you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
