I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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