Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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