please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
