i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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