There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
