goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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