White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
