I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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