We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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