i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm bleeding and have questions
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
