I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
