Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
