White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
