btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
