Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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