She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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