No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
