I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
