Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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