More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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