So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
