she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize