Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
