First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
