I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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