I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize