let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
