You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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