Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
