It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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