He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
