Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
