I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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