In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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