I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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