You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So many bounce houses so little time
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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