I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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