I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
