so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
