he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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