I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
