it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize