You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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