She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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