Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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