his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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