Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
