So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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