While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize