i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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