Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
