I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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