You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
