Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
