I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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