I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
