God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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