After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
