I could make wine with my vomit
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
