I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
