I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
