If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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