but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
