I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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