Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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