Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
