if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
