No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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